You Got to Admit It's Getting Better

...It's getting better all the time!

I realize I didn't blog, I mean at all, in the month of December. It was a little crazy, but mostly I was a little preoccupied dealing with this:

Potty training, without question or competition, is the worst part of parenting so far -- bar none! Since the beginning of October there has been seemingly endless tantrums and accidents and I can't decide if her bedding has never been cleaner or never been dirtier. And perhaps the worst of all this has been me...I definitely became a monster mom during this process!

That being said, she's basically potty-trained, both day and night!! There are occasional accidents (like maybe 2 per week), and sure, she's two so there are still tantrums. But at least one kid is totally out of diapers. We're so excited -- we're giving a whole new meaning to potty dance!!

I Could Not Have Known

Two years ago I could not have known this morning would be so hard.

I could not have known that it would take every ounce of calm I had to keep from either screaming at her or crying in the corner.

I could not have known that my wonderful Mommy Plans of going to the library would be thwarted by a decision between milk and water.

But even though I could not know those things, I also could not have known that over two years, (with all the tantrums and fights, and screaming for hours) how much I would love her.

I could not have known how much of me I see in her, which is surprising, frustrating, but mostly exciting.

I could not have known how much I want to help her learn, grown, expose her to new and wonderful things, and simply be around her.

I could not have known how even though she brings out the worst in me, she also is able to refine me and makes me better everyday.

I could not have known how happy I am to have her in our eternal family...and how because of her I can better know how much I want James in that family too.

4 more days until an eternity of unknowns with James!!

In Defense of Theses and Marriage

I've been thinking a lot about marriage recently, specifically the one I share with Nick. When we began our life together, we sealed together our bodies and our spirits -- our souls. We promised we would share our time, laundry, dishes, joys, sorrows, laundry, accomplishments, homework, laundry heartbreaks, laundry, and everything else for the rest of our lives.

For the rest of eternity.

That's a pretty big commitment to make at 19 and 23 years old after only knowing each other for not even 2 years. And I couldn't be happier with my decision.

Now, 7 years and little bit later, we are closing the formal education chapter of our lives together today. Yes, my genius husband is defending his thesis today! These past few months have been hard -- filled with  early mornings, late nights, and very little time together in between. To put it frankly, it has been a time that has really stretched and defined our marriage and commitment to each other.

***And if you think I am using the title "genius husband" liberally, I would beg to differ. The title of his dissertation is "Magnetic Wreaths, Cycles, and Buoyant Loops in Convective Dynamos." Boo-yah!***

I would say the first year of our life together, facing infertility, and finishing Nick's Ph.D. are, so far, the defining points in our marriage where we really had to be firmly planted side by side, working very hard, to grow together as one.

 Our engagement picture entitled "The One We Like"

And after today, that defining period will be concluding. It's a kind of bitter sweet because as lives are shaped and defined they are also molded and formed into something new...hopefully better than they were. In our case, our lives are completely different than they were when we began as two separate entities, and how they are today is in large part due to the experiences we have shared as Nick has been working on his Ph.D. and all of these have happened while Nick's been a student.

I mean, the events of today is what our life together has been building and working towards since its inception! It's time to move on and be done, but I am certain that in 50 years this period in our lives will be regarded with love and fondness.

So I say with great pride: Nicholas, defend your thesis with honor, dignity, a stout heart, and a sure voice! I love you and the life we are moving to New Mexico next week! Truly, there could not be a woman as proud of or more devoted to her husband than I am this morning! My heart overflows with gratitude, love, joy, and excitement for you today as it does everyday I get to wake up knowing we are truly united and grow as one!

And just in case you don't know what a thesis defense looks like in practice, here's an example:

***UPDATE: Nick turned in his final dissertation August 9, 2013!!***

My "Do Do" List

If you read yesterday's post, you see that our family has A LOT going on, and so there's A LOT going on outside of our immediate family/vicinity that we simply cannot do. We've really had to learn to say "I'm so sorry, but I just can't" and "We really wish we could be there, but it's just not going to work out."

Seriously, it's been a bit of a drag.

That's why when my friend Megan reminded me that I have so many opportunities that are available to me and I need to take advantage of them! It's my responsibility to share this beautiful world with Alexa and James and to share them with the world everyday! How exciting! Yeah, there's things I can't do, but when I focus on the can-do's instead of the can't-do's I am so much happier, and surprisingly, those around me are happier, too!

Like Jack Donaghey said, "[The world] is made by those who do do . . . I do do."

With that in mind, here is My "Do Do" List to be completed by the end of August 2013 (some items crossover onto my 101 in 1001 List)!

• Make/Print/Laminate/Post a Really Awesome Schedule for Alexa
• Help Nick Graduate
• Move to New Mexico
• Have a “See Ya Later” Grilled Cheese Party with All Our Colorado Friends
• Stay Up Late Watching Old Movies with Nick
• Finish Reading 15 Books
• Read with Alexa Everyday
• Post on Blog Weekly
• Update the Blog’s Layout
• Leave Uplifting Notes Around Town
• Hang Out with Cousins before We Both Move
• Go to Library Weekly
• Attend City Carnival in June and July
• Make Small, Cute Going Away Gifts for My Friends
• Identify 101 Things that Make Me Smile and Photograph Them
• Be 100% Positive in All I Say for a Week
• Turn a Good Deed Daily for a Stranger for a Week
• Buy Flowers for Myself (and a friend) for No Reason
• Figure Out a Way to Exercise with 2 Kids
• Host a Game Night
• Ambush Nick with Water Balloons (you’ve been warned...)
• Take Nick to that One Indian Restaurant
• Go to that One Ice Cream Place in Louisville
• Play in Shaving Cream with Alexa
• Make a Sign to Welcome Suzy to Colorado from Her Mission
• Do Something Special for My Parents’ Birthdays While They’re in Town
• Make and Eat Jello Jigglers
• Visit a New Park
• Rediscover the Joy in Photography
• Get a Pedicure

Happy Birthday My Beautiful 2-Year Old!

Yesterday was Alexa's birthday and it was such a wonderful day! We started out opening a couple presents...

Then we had birthday pancakes...

Then we went to Barnes and Noble to find an interesting book...

Then we had lunch at Panera Bread...

Then we visited Daddy at work...

Then we took a nap (while mommy made dinner and birthday cake-brownies-thing and stopped taking pictures)...

Then we played in the sink water and got soaking wet...

Then we had dinner with the missionaries consisting of some enchiladas, some beans, some rice, and A LOT of sour cream...

And then just before bed we finished off the party by video chatting with grandparents in our princess dress.

BEST. 2ND. BIRTHDAY. EVER.
 
(You may notice she's wearing a few different shirts. We changed clothes a total of three times and wore four different outfits. Princesses are pretty high maintenance...what did you expect?)

Applying for Jobs is Complicated!

Nick has been applying to a number of jobs in a variety of fields across the country, and so far has a couple of offers. We're so thrilled! The problem is that now we have to make a lot of serious decisions, and decision-making is not my forte. 

Living in Oregon right next to our family was never really an option for us, simply because Nick has always wanted to teach at a major research university, and Oregon only has a couple of those. But now we have to figure out our preferences for salary, career path, and location. Like how far are we willing to live away from our family in Oregon and for how long? Are we willing to sacrifice salary for preferred career path? And the questions go on and on...

Additionally, we have some birth family in Colorado to consider and that we'd really like to be close to them as well. And of course, recently spending time in Oregon with our families is not making the decision easier. I mean, how are we supposed to keep our kids away from this kind of love in their lives?

We'll keep everyone posted on job updates when we can, but until then, just enjoy your homes,  families, and not packing for the time being. That's what we'll be doing!

Aly TV: Alexa's Greatest Hits, Voume 1

Tonight at dinner Alexa asked for some songs.  This led to a performance of some of her classics including "Popcorn Popping", "The ABC Song", and "Five Little Monkeys". From a live performance over dinner, we present Alexa's Greatest Hits, Volume 1.

Could you tell which letters of the alphabet are her favorites?

Piglet's Adoption Story, Part 3

***I know I never finished Alexa's adoption story, or at least it's been quite sometime since the last installment, and even more time since the first installment, so bear with me because these last two parts are the best parts of the story!***

...but this was a good start, and we knew it.

So we went home after meeting Ray and Melissa for the first time feeling good, but not trying to get overly excited as our hearts were still aching from the Hayley and Hannah situation which was still very fresh on our minds and hearts. We decided, however, that at bare minimum we needed a crib and a carseat which we ordered from Walmart since Melissa's tentative due date was still two weeks away.

That meeting was February 11, 2011, and it wasn't really until February 13th that we really let ourselves believe this was really happening, and it wasn't until the 16th that we decided to pack hospital bags and leave them in the car, just in case something did happen early.

On February 15, 2011, Nick and I expressed these thoughts in our daily journal respectively:

"As the prospect of having a baby looms larger over our lives right now, it's both an exciting and stressful time." 

"As our daughter's birth draws closer, I am growing more nervous that something is bound to go wrong."

On February 17th I was working late (because I knew I'd be out for a while, even if I hadn't told my boss or co-workers to avoid a false-alarm fiasco again) and my phone rang. I assumed it was Nick because he was also still at work and just letting me know he was on his way home. I was wrong. It was our case worker, and when I answered he asked me "Are you ready? Because it's time. They're at the hospital." My stomach leaped right into me throat and immediately got that "her water just broke" kind of panic in my demeanor. 

I called Nick...no answer. So I called again while I was fumbling around my cubicle turning things off and putting things in piles so others could easily find what I'm referring to when they call me and ask me questions....no answer again. So I called again when I was running out of the office to the car and as I drove away from my job for, I was hoping, at least 6 weeks...still no answer. So I called again as I'm driving down the freeway towards our house trying to remain calm that my husband won't answer his phone and our baby maybe being delivered right then...and still no answer! I think I called a total of 13 times before he called me back at which point I was able to tell him that our daughter was coming, and we have a 2 hour drive to make and what are we going to do?! I was nearly hyperventilating from excitement and nervous energy. 

During that two hours we talked about names for our baby (it was between Natalie, Grace, or Alexa), the fact that we didn't have a carseat (the one we ordered hadn't arrived yet), and that had I gotten pulled over while driving like a maniac on the way to the house I would have had a really hard time convincing the officer that I was going to pick up my husband to take him to the hospital so we could be there for our daughter's birth. We also called our family and our bosses, but nothing seemed to fill the time enough. And yet when we got to the hospital it seemed like we could have used another 5 hours in the car to prepare ourselves. I don't care when you become a parent, I bet it seems like you're not prepared.

We got there a bit after 9pm, and we met Ray and Melissa for only the second time up in the hospital room. They were so respectful and allowed us to make the decisions on immunizations and they made sure every nurse knew who we were and why we were there. It was overwhelming how committed they were to this decision they had made. Melissa invited both of us to be in the delivery room for the birth, which I eagerly agreed to do, and Nick hesitated to do because he didn't want to make Melissa uncomfortable...well, more uncomfortable anyway. What another incredible gift they were giving to us when we know they would have been totally justified in not giving it at all!

As Melissa's contractions increased, we did our best to pass the time by talking and learning more about each other, although I don't really remember what we talked about. I do remember, however, that every time Melissa had a contraction I tensed up really bad, gripped Nick's hand, and felt so guilty that she had to go through all that pain just so I could be a Mom. It wasn't fair and I wished I could have taken it all away! Oh, I felt so guilty!

Her big contractions seemed to last a long time, but I think she was in active labor for an hour and a half. It was so late at that point, around 1am, and we were all so tired, but Melissa kept pushing (and asking for more drugs). Just before Alexa was born, there was a swarm of nurses and doctors around Melissa, but once I heard that little cry, and once I saw her tiny little body my stomach jumped up into my throat and she was mine. My little girl had just been born!

***Click here to read the concluding portion of Alexa's adoption story!***

Like to Love in 8 Steps

Thanks to Mike's Camera, Walmart, Goodwill, and Hobby Lobby, I was able to transform a once liked area in our house to a now much loved area in our house, and here's how:

Step 1: Have a place in your home that you want to re-do.

 Step 2: Go to Goodwill and buy some perfectly good lamps for $3.99 each.

Step 3: Cover any area you don't want painted with painter's tape (tip: I only covered a portion of the cord, but I should have covered the whole thing or put it in a plastic bag and sealed it off with the tape as a small section of visible cord is now tinted yellow).

 Step 4: Go to Walmart and buy a glossy version of whatever paint color you want. I chose Bauhaus Gold, which turned out to be a really pretty mustard yellow.

 Step 5: Spray paint your lamps. The taller one only needed 2 coats, but the shorter one got an additional coat after I took this picture.

Steps 6, 7, and 8: Print new pictures and buy new frames (50% off making them only $5 each from Hobby Lobby), buy new shades for lamps ($4.97 each from Walmart), and replace new loved pieces with the old liked ones! YAY!

This was such a fun and easy (did it in a day-ish) way to freshen up a look that was a bit tired, which I will definitely be doing again! This refreshing project isn't exactly done, however. I think I am going to make some cute bookends for my little book collection, I may spray paint the frames a charcoal or something a little less harsh than black, and I may add a couple more pictures on either side of the wall to take up a little more of the space. We'll see where my creativity preferences take me!

I've found my tastes have changed a bit, so now the question is, what do I do with the perfectly good things I can't seem to find a use for right now in my little house right now? Oh well, that's a project for another day!

***In other news, we're one of the 795 couples being profiled by LDS Family Services (our adoption agency) on their website as of yesterday! Woot woot! Check out our extremely awesome profile by clicking here.***

Adoption Application Update

This morning Nick and I dropped Alexa off at a friend's house and headed down to LDS Family Services for our first home study interview. For those of you who haven't done this before, that just means we are really close to being all done with the approval process! Our case worker told us she's hoping to have everything complete by the end of August if not sooner!! We just couldn't be more excited about all of this!

See?

So excited!! At least Sharon the Rabbit is excited for a new playmate...

Nelson-Topia, Our Ultimate Summer Getaway

Just in case you were born in a barn, the title of this post is an homage to one of the greatest movies ever!

As of today we will be spending the next week...

enjoying this:

 doing some of this:

and doing a lot of this:

all in the best place in the world! Catch ya on the flipside!

Failed Adoption, Remembered Blessings

I've written about our failed adoption before in very little detail here and here, but this is the first post in which I have used names or pictures, of course with pertinent party's permission. My guess is I have a couple more posts in regards to this experience up my sleeve in the future.

Every night, just before we read scriptures together and go to sleep for the night, Nick and I write in our Blessing Book, which is a joint daily journal where we record one way we've each seen the hand of the Lord in our lives that day. Tuesday night, just after writing in it about scheduling our first couple of home study interviews, a flood of memories of anxiety and anticipation came rushing back in my mind. I opened up our previous, completed book and it fell open to the following entry:

December 30, 2010

[Nick's Entry] Today we drove to Roseburg and met Hayley, Hannah, and their family. We were at their home for nearly 4.5 hours. We talked about our feelings about adoption and parenting, played with Hannah, ate lunch, and had a wonderful time. I got to hold Hannah while she slept for about 90 min. She is a beautiful little girl and if it's right we would love to have her as a part of our family. We were very impressed with Hayley's parents and siblings as well. The meeting generally went as well as we could have hoped. We are still waiting for Hayley to decide, but we already feel close to Hayley, Hannah, and the whole family.

[My Entry] There were some really tender moments today while talking about open adoption and what we really want for our children. We want them to know they are loved tremendously, which is why they were placed for adoption. It was clear that assertion gave Hayley and her mother, Jesse, a lot of peace. They are such a good family and I hope and pray that over the coming years we get to stay in contact with them no matter what. They are dear people and it would be an honor to have them in our family and us in theirs. It is comforting to know that whatever happens Hannah will have a wonderful life.

 Hannah and Hayley on the day we met.

I continued to read, and read, and read. I was captivated by my own story, like it was from another person in another time and place altogether. All those loving thoughts towards Hayley, Hannah, and their family came rushing back into my mind, and I sincerely missed them. I missed the connectedness I felt with them as we went through the crazy ups and downs of that particular adoption experience. And then, in an extremely familiar way, I longed for our next child, and then in a not so familiar way, I longed for the relationship we will have with their birth family. That was a new and exciting feeling!

We don't have a daughter named Hannah, but we do love a little girl named Hannah almost as if she was our own, because for about 24 hours in our hearts and minds, she was going to be. It was so easy to fall in love with her, Hayley, and their family. Hayley and I still exchange emails every couple of months (so grateful for those), we're friends on Facebook so we can see pictures of Hannah being amazing, and we follow each others' blogs to keep up on each others' lives.

As for Hannah, just as I said she would, she has such a wonderful life with her mom, aunt, uncles, and grandparents. Even though that experience was very hard, stressful, and caused a lot of intense work-out sessions (I guess that's not so bad), I wouldn't change that experience for the world. Hannah and Hayley continue to touch and change our lives for the better, and they are so loved and honored in our home, and will be forever.

Hayley and I have even talked about having a playdate with our girls, so I hope someday we can still pull that off. Trip to Alaska, anyone??

Here It Goes Again

We have them. They're sitting next to my laptop on the table. Our folder with our adoption paperwork is right here, and it has begun again.

I started them just as soon as I got home with them last week, and then I stopped. I don't know, I thought this go-round would be easier, less unfamiliar, but honestly it feels like I've gone back in time a few years. I'm just as unsure of my capability to parent as I used to be. Just as unsure of the process as I used to be. Just as unsure of the heartaches and joys ahead of us as I used to be.

Ya know what's changed? I know this is what I want. I think maybe the first time around I was always hoping just a little that I would get pregnant and we could be done with the whole adoption thing, just because at times it was so hard. But now, I'm kinda horrified to get pregnant. I WANT to adopt another beautiful baby like the one I already have adopted more than anything in the world.

If the next baby wanted to cuddle a little more than my first I wouldn't complain at all, but my desire is not for a carbon copy baby, it's for another beautiful adoption.

And so we walk forward in uncertainty and trepidation, but with a "perfect brightness of hope", because no matter how long it takes or how hard the pathway is, I have seen the other side, and it is oh so good.

So prepare yourselves for an onslaught of changes happening around the blog. A lot of requests to help our family grow will be coming your way, (our references have already been contacted...what great people we know)! A lot of adoption updates complete full of triumphs and trials!

Y'all ready for this? (dun nun nuh nun nun nun...) I hope we are!

The Day After...

After Thanksgiving that is, which is wonderful! Everyone treats it like a holiday, even though it's just a Friday.

A completely magical Friday!

The Friday after Thanksgiving means that Christmas festivities and music can begin in our house! It means leftover pie for breakfast! It means turkey sandwiches for lunch...and dinner! It means watching football and lounging in sweats all day! It means minimal chores! It means online Christmas shopping (and 4am shopping if I'm feeling crazy and have a shopping buddy)! Most importantly it means that I get to spend time with my favorite people in the world!

Aly has taken to acting like the most adorable puppy ever recently!

Aly and Daddy just before our Thanksgiving feast (Gerber Turkey, Rice, and Veggies for Aly. She also had rolls and pumpkin pie, like a whole piece)!