Even Miracles Take a Little Time

Monday, June 30, 2014

Even "Medical Miracles" Take a Little Time

On Saturday I got a HUGE and EXPENSIVE package in the mail.

And I kinda hate it.

I know I am supposed to be in awe of the marvels of medical technology and the wonderful, miraculous opportunity we have to possibly get pregnant through IVF...but right now it just looks like a lot of needles.

Needles I have to inject into myself or Nick has to inject into me.

Neither of us are qualified medical professionals, so what the heck?!

Of course I knew this was part of the process, but that big box made it all very real. During our first go around at fertility treatments, before we decided to go the adoption route, included my fair share of needles -- both injecting and withdrawing. There were a lot of pills, a lot of mood swings, and a lot of disappointments.

Maybe that's my real problem. I have no faith in this method of getting kids. I have faith in God and His plan for our family and that this is the route we should be taking. He has proved Himself time and time again and I absolutely trust God to take care of my family and to get my kids here.

However, I have no faith in injectable fertility medications. I have buckets of faith in adoption! The child-acquiring score as it stands now:

Adoption: 2                              Fertility Treatments: 0

That's a blow out in a World Cup match!

Pulling out each individual medication box and each large bag of needles and alcohol swabs (so many swabs!) was like a little punch in my gut reminding me that my body doesn't work the way I want it to and so I have to use all of these "medical miracles" to get our next little miracle.

I thought I had accepted my infertility, but it's always there, and this month it's going to be yelling at me everyday in the form of a needle or Metformin pills every morning and night.

Sidenote: I've decided that "inject" is such an angry and gross word. Ugh!

I almost hate that I know this is the right thing for our family, because outherwise it would be so easy to throw in the towel and quit.

Honestly I wish I could say that my pity party is all done and it's going to be all smiles from now on, but I can't. Sometimes you just kind of have to stand with your toes together and lean on a counter so your husband inject some hormones at the base of your back. And there's no way I'm smiling through that!

But here's the silver-lining:
1. This is right, and we know it.
2. Nick will let me eat all the ice cream I want through this process -- and he'll hold my hand through every gut-wrenching moment! I can do this with him.
3. God has plenty of miracles waiting for our family because we want to do what is right.
4. One of my medications is used to treat the advanced stages of prostate cancer, so that's fun!

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Our Third Little Miracle

When Alexa turned 1 we were already in possession of our adoption paperwork for round 2 and had been working on it for a month. We barely had a conversation about how to acquire our next child because adoption was just right.

13 months later James was born. The whole thing happened really fast! Approved in August 2012, contacted by Shilo in December, and a family of 4 in March 2013. Bing-Bang-Bam!

A couple months before James was sealed to our family last October, our lives had significantly changed. We had graduated, moved states, changed jobs, and how to acquire child numero tres was not as clear. In fact, Nick wasn't even sure there was a third child to be acquired. There was a lot of praying, fasting, and discussing to do.

Let me go back in the timeline a bit. In New Mexico where we live, adopting through LDS Family Services is just not an option. They cannot legally do basically anything in this state, which brought us back to the baby acquiring drawing board. We looked into adoption through the state, but when we went to the orientation they needed a longer time commitment than we knew we would even be here since Nick's Post-Doc is a temporary position. We called adoption agencies across the state and some of them seemed like viable options, but we felt no inclination to move forward with any of them. We also looked into fertility treatments again and met with one of the two doctors in Albuquerque about what he would recommend to move our family forward.

And it was a really good meeting.

I want to make this perfectly clear: it is not a life-goal of mine to get pregnant. I have no interest in experiencing the miracle of growing life inside of me or breast-feeding or anything that goes along with biological children. However, I absolutely have a life-goal of getting my children to our family no matter what that path entails.

Frankly I don't want to go into every detail of our decision making process at this time because this blog post would get way too long. That being said, I have had three rounds of bloodwork and taken a total of one pill, all of which to begin fertility treatments again.

Our doctor has recommended we do In-Vitro Fertilization, and so that is what we have decided to do.

I absolutely want to adopt again someday in the future, but our journey to bambino number 3 has begun, and we are so excited to be moving our family forward in this incredible new way!

As I write this news out, I feel like I have so much more to share, but all in good time I suppose. We have seen the Lord's hand evident in the decision-making process and in the providing of means to do this very intense and expensive fertility treatment. Just like adoption was right for us in acquiring our first two children, IVF is right for us right now. This may not result in a child (reasonable risk), but it is how our family is to move forward.

We share this with you, our readers, because this blog was a healing place for me throughout the adoption process, and I will definitely need healing moving forward. Hopefully the little bit of time for our next little miracle will be as transformative as our first two little miracles...and perhaps less paperwork!

 There is a lot I want to share with you, and as always, please ask questions of any kind -- sincere questions are never offensive!

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Happiness is...

being just tall enough.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Turn Down the Funk

I got a bit grumpy yesterday afternoon for really no reason at all. Sure I felt like I was juggling 18 different things and had to get to soccer practice and there was little cooperation from the kids, but that's just normal Tuesday business.

It was when I full-on raised my voice, throwing out the middle name and everything, because I thought Alexa was squirting her Capri-Sun all over the patio when in fact it was just a spray bottle that I realized I was clearly in the wrong. I gave her a hug and tried to mend it, but the damage had been done...harshly and unnecessarily.

There's a saying: "Four things come not back: the spoken word, the spent arrow, the past, the
neglected opportunity." - Omar Idn Al-Halif

Truly there was no reason for the little funk I was in, but instead of really trying to get out of it, I made small, pathetic efforts and lost my temper again. It was silly and really bumming everybody out! Eventually the evening got better, but it was not because of me.

This morning I read a beautiful message by the Prophet of God concerning love, and it was the best parenting advice I've received in a long while -- possibly ever. Here are some excerpts from that message (emphases added):

"'Why is it that the [ones] we love [most] become so frequently the targets of our harsh words? Why is it that [we] sometimes speak as if with daggers that cut to the quick?' The answer to these questions may be different for each of us, and yet the bottom line is that the reasons do not matter. If we would keep the commandment to love one another, we must treat each other with kindness and respect."

"I would hope that we would strive always to be considerate and to be sensitive to the thoughts and feelings and circumstances of those around us. Let us not demean or belittle. Rather, let us be compassionate and encouraging. We must be careful that we do not destroy another person's confidence through careless words or actions."

"As we arise each morning, let us determine to respond with love and kindness to whatever might come our way."

For me it is easy to forget sometimes that because my children do not always treat me with love and kindness or as a person with needs or feelings that it's okay to treat them the same way. But I, as their mother, need to exemplify the behavior I want them to emulate, and thus need to remember that children are people, too, like me, with tummies that get hungry and cause crankiness, or with frustrations that they need help to overcome, or simply with days that they just get into a funk for no reason at all!

In my quest to yell less and love more, I have thought many times "she is a person -- how do you speak to a person?" It's been simple, but powerful, because the reasons for harsh words and short-tempers do not matter when we've been commanded by Jesus Christ himself to "love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another."

So no matter what, I will do my best to respond with love and kindness to whatever might come my way, because I want to feel confident in knowing that my behavior, specifically my words and tone, would not change if the Savior stood beside me.

Today has been much less funky.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Monday, February 3, 2014

Music Monday

We've been in a bit of a new music drought, but new great music has been raining down upon us this weekend! We'll start with one that both Nick and I are loving right now!

On Top of the World, Imagine Dragons

Thursday, January 30, 2014

I Really Hate Yogurt!

 My teeny, tiny girl who somehow fit in her brother's vest. It's bit big for a newborn size, but still.

It's not about the taste or the calories or the cultures or the cruelty to the cows or anything like that.

It's about the fights.

I wish I could express how heated and how ridiculous the fights are in our house over yogurt!

Typically my issues with yogurt revolve around the two-year old crazy that ensues when she chooses yogurt for breakfast, and then refuses to eat it. The frequency that this event occurs in our home is border line ridiculous. There's screaming, yelling, time-outs, tears, and through-the-roof blood pressures. I intentionally do not buy yogurt for stints to avoid this decision-making insanity. No sane person could handle this situation well, and at 8 in the morning I consider myself to be pretty well put together. I'm a morning person.

However, to be fair, the stand off yesterday morning was not yogurt's fault necessarily. I was blow-drying my hair and I come out to find a mostly peeled orange with one bite out of it in the sink. Then I found an apple with no bites out of it, just a few bite marks...attempts at eating (nay, food-wasting). And she was sitting down at the table with a yogurt and spoon in hand. That all happened within like 10 minutes.

Admittedly I possibly overreacted, but all I asked her to do was eat some bites of her apple before we started in on the yogurt. So as to not relive the breakdown in my home and in my mind, I'll keep the recount of the subsequent events succinct.

Apples were thrown. Time outs were had. And the 45-minute showdown ended with me sitting on the floor of my daughter's room, crying, because I was out of ideas and I simply didn't want to yell at my baby girl.

I decided to throw in the towel. I let my side of the argument go, because I've made two decisions:

nothing is worth yelling at my daughter
nothing is more important than my relationship with my family.


But that doesn't mean I have to be on speaking terms with yogurt.