Saturday, July 31, 2010

When We're Helping We're Happy

I just found out recently that a friend of almost 22 years (yeah, since I was 2) has been having difficulty getting pregnant for about 2 years. I found out from one of her family members, and when I asked her about it, she told me she didn't tell me because she didn't want to complain since Nicholas and I have been waiting for our family for so much longer and she already has a little boy. My heart breaks for her.

Nicholas' aunt and I had a talk a couple weeks back where she expressed to me that her 9 children came to her pretty much whenever she wanted, except for the two youngest, whom are twins, whom she  had to wait for for 3 whole months. She was scared that she was too old or her body was too spent to complete her family. My heart breaks for her.

My sister has one little girl, who is almost 2, and a son who is waiting for the rest of his family in heaven. She hasn't been able to get pregnant since she lost her little boy because of the trauma she experienced. My heart breaks for her.

My niece, Anna, is such a little cheeser! She was trying to sneak and discover all of Burgerville's secrets!

A high school friend waited to get pregnant after her first boy for, I think, nearly a year and could not receive fertility treatments because the cardinal time to wait for fertility services is 12 months. She wanted her family before 12 months. My heart breaks for her.

I would like to just come out and say that if you are experiencing the heartache of infertility, whether it be for one month or 48, whether you have no kids or 9, whether you are feeling these fears now or did many years ago, I hope you come to me. I would love to cry with you, laugh with you, and hope with you. This journey is a million times easier with supportive friends. I want to be your friend!

I understand that some days are harder than others, but that not every moment is consumed with deep depression and aching. I also understand that baby showers are difficult, but you still want to go because you love your friends and are happy for their happiness but completely ache for your own. I understand the scared and sometimes hopeless feeling as well as the feeling that God's love encircles you with new blessings every moment and how could one be sad when there's so much joy and hope in His love for each of us. I understand that, sometimes, a good cry and a very honest post early in the morning on a Saturday is just what is needed. I understand that opportunities for growth sometimes look suspiciously like trials.

I understand, so let's get through this time in our lives together. Email me at or call if you have my number (I'll give it to you later if you want). I love you, truly I do. While this heartache is so personal, we don't have to deal with it alone. Let's help each other, and we can be happy together!


Courtney said...


I am so grateful for your honesty and for nailing this exactly on the head! Your are awesome.


mamãe said...

Rachel - you and Nicholas are such sweethearts! I am so glad the world has people like you. Every child deserves to have parents like you guys. I know the Lord will bless you because of your faithfulness (and I'm sure you know it, too). I've never experienced infertility, but I also feel the desire to be a friend to everyone - even if they think their trials are "less" than mine. We can't compare life experiences, because we are all unique and each have a divine purpose that is different from person to person. All we can do is have compassion for each other.

And I think you guys have got that part down pat ;)

Becca and Russ (you know, from that BYU married ward :D )

Jill Elizabeth said...

I wish I'd waited to read this because it made me cry and my eyeliner isn't waterproof.

I second Courtney - you are awesome, and I'd add amazing to the mix. Infertility tends to draw people in and make them more self-involved (and I'm not saying that's a bad thing!) so the fact that at this point you can say such generous and understanding things just blows my mind.

Really, you are awesome.

Anjuli said...

You are such an amazing person. It is heartbreaking and frustrating to struggle so hard for children. Being able to talk to others about it helps so much.

Jessica said...

Love you Rach! :)

Ruthanne said...

Although I do not know if I struggle with infertility, it has been a trial to wait to have children for so long while Seth is in medical school, so in some ways I feel like I have gone through many of the same emotions. We've been married for 5 years, and it's hard to see pictures of all of my friends from college with their little, cute families, and announce yet another pregnancy, while we wait for what seems like forever. The hardest part is that we aren't really sure when we will start trying. I keep looking at the long years Seth will spend in residency and fellowship and wonder, "how can we start a family with that schedule?". I also worry that Seth will choose a specialty that has a bad lifestyle--I don't want to be a single mom. I think I would feel relief if I simply knew WHEN it would happen, when our family would come to us...then I wouldn't worry so much that it may never happen. In that way, I sincerely share your pain.