I Can't Be a Mom All By Myself

I can't be a mom all by myself.

That statement has many meanings, but this morning two come to mind.

First, I can't be a mom without my husband. Some women can do that, and I applaud them and their amazingness and capacity, but I cannot. These past few weeks as he works so hard finishing up his Ph.D. I have felt lonely in my trials (not alone because caring for two children one is never alone). However, his return home always lifts my heart and makes the long day I just had seem manageable again tomorrow -- even when that return is at 10pm. I can not be a mom without my husband.

Second, I would not be a mom today without two other moms who placed their children in our home and hearts. All three of us, together, create the vision of motherhood for our family. That realization is humbling and heart-breaking. The fact that I am physically unable to be the complete mothering package for my children is sad for me, but I wouldn't trade that heartache for anything because of the love that swells inside of me this morning for my babies and the women who created and love them just as much as I do. I can not be a mom without these women.

I am not the sole bearer of the title "Mother" in our family. In fact, I'm not even the first "Mother" for my kids. They were mothered and loved long before I even knew they existed. But even though there's heart-break that comes with infertility, I could not be happier about sharing this role with the two bravest and strongest women I know. What company I share when I have no right to share it -- no right at all! I am only here because of them, and my heart overflows with joy, love, gratitude, hope, peace, and happiness for the life I lead, no matter how hard some days are, because of my children's first mothers.

I can't be a mom all by myself, and I couldn't be happier about it! 

Music Monday

"What's Mine Is Yours," Katherine Nelson

I have listened to this song dozens of times since first hearing it. I don't feel like there's a lot to say other than we are so grateful for our children's birth parents who are very much aware that children are not ours, but God's.

Thank you Ray, Melissa, and The Sneetch's birth family in particular! You have, do, and will bless our family's life in ways none of us can begin to imagine! We love you all!

My Cup, and Everything Else, Runneth Over

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. (Psalm 23:4-6)

My heart is so full today, not necessarily because of anything in particular, but my life is just so blessed. Everyday I am a mom I know is a blessing and a gift that was given to me and that I could not give to myself.

Because there are no words to adequately describe my feelings, I will not try to do so. I just love Melissa and Ray and our future children's birth-families so much!

I am particularly grateful for this moment, and this morning, and every time we find our daughter after nap or bedtime completely or on her way to being naked. It's just so great and I feel so blessed! I love my family so much!

C'mon Next Little Miracle! Mommy Misses You!

I admit it, right now, at this very moment, my heart is sad. I love Alexa more than I can say and I am completely in love with Nicholas and cannot express how much meaning and light he brings into my life.

But right now I am really missing our next little miracle. I want to make him/her a little stocking for Christmas and fill it with wonderful little Bambino goodies! I want to hold our little Sneetch and cuddle with him/her with one hand and type a completely different post right now with my other hand.

I want Alexa to love and dote upon her little sibling. She is going to be SUCH a good sister...and a little ornery for sure, but that's to be expected.

I want Nick to have a little boy buddy or to be swarmed in a house full of girls! He is SUCH a wonderful father and any child would be so blessed to have him as their Dad-dad!

Recently when a friend has shared their happy pregnancy news or even their happy adoption news (which I usually get more excited about, even when my heart is hurting a bit), I still feel happy, but then an immediate aching begins. My heart gets so confused at those moments.

I know we've only been approved for the second time since August, but I can't tell you how many times I have wished that the unknown number on my phone was a potential birthmom. Really, it's every time. I know we are probably only at the very beginning of our journey to our little Sneetch and we have a long way to go, but that knowledge does not help me temper my emotions at all.

In fact, none of the blessings I have mentioned help ease the aching or homesick feeling I get when all I want are my babies to be with me. I can wait until it's right, but I wish that the right time comes very soon...and that wish and the thoughts and feelings that accompany it make my heart ache so much!

I think I thought this go around would be easier, just because we've done it before and are used to wanting our children with us. We're infertility veterans, so I just assumed I'd be able to deal with this aching better over time. I suppose in some ways it definitely is easier because I know adoption works and that is extremely comforting. I don't want to discount how much I trust the adoption process and the Lord's timing in putting our family together and how much easier that knowledge makes this adoption experience easier.

It's also easier because Alexa is here and being a Mom at all is such a blessing...one I wasn't sure I'd have during the first time adopting. How grateful I am to be a Mom!

But the heartaches are not easier, and the longing for my babies who aren't here is not easier. And the increased longing I feel around the holidays is not easier.

So this rambling post is just a plea to the world wide web...because where else can I make this plea that makes anymore sense? My plea is this:

Hey next little Miracle, our little Sneetch! Please come to our family soon! Your Mommy misses you and wants you home! And bring your birth-family with you, because we miss them, too! I love you more than I even know or can understand, and so does your Dad-dad and sister! See you soon, kiddo!

Our Family Advocates Adoption (Even in Grocery Lines)

When we started flirting with the idea of adoption a few years ago I really did not understand what I was signing up for. I really didn't get that I was signing up for a lot of insensitive or downright rude and judgmental commentary from complete strangers towards myself, my husband, my daughter, or my children's birthparents. I didn't know I'd have to be an adoption advocate every time a checker at the grocery store told me "She has your smile" or "You two look so much alike."

I am embarrassed to admit that in the past I have held my tongue, and I did so because frankly, it is not their business that none of her genes came from me! And why do I have to open the door to their potential load of crappy adoption ideas or insensitive comments?! I'm just shopping for crying out loud!

But the truth is I am so proud of my daughter's adoption! In fact, aside from my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (learn more here), nothing makes me more proud! I want to correct misconceptions, change crappy ideas people have, and help people see how wonderful adoption is!
It's my responsibility to speak up when people say mis-informed or insensitive or blatantly wrong things or even simple things like "you look alike." It is my responsibility as a parent to my adopted child. It's my responsibility as a co-mother with Melissa. It's my responsibility as the mother who Ray chose to be with his daughter everyday. It's my responsibility as a niece to two adopted aunts. It's my responsibility as a person, a child of God, to act rather than be acted upon.

And when it comes to adoption, you can bet the bank that I will act, and as time goes on I guarantee you I will act more with more conviction. (I promise Nick will too, but he can write his own post if he wants.)

So this post started as a commitment to our little Sneetch who will enter our little adoption-oriented family, and to Sneetch's birthparents, that our family will always advocate for adoption. We will always standby our children's birth-families! We will always do everything we can to maintain the most open relationship with those birth-families as humanly possible! We're in this for the long, dirty, messy haul, and we're in it now deeper than we have ever been because there are so many blessings amidst all that dirt and mess...and the stakes for our family - for our children - have never been higher.

Alexa and the rest of our adopted children need to know that there is not a speck of shame in our hearts about whose uterus they grew in or the path we went through as their parents to get them into our family. We are so proud, and will share that pride at all times and in all places, including with checkers at the grocery store.

We even wear t-shirts and walk in parades to show our adoption pride!

Music Monday: Dedicated to Our Next Adoption

I Will Wait, Mumford & Sons

I can't think of a better song that expresses what I want to express to our future family. We will wait for you!

PS Happy Birthday Mom Nelson! You are such a blessing to everyone's life you touch!

Failed Adoption, Remembered Blessings

I've written about our failed adoption before in very little detail here and here, but this is the first post in which I have used names or pictures, of course with pertinent party's permission. My guess is I have a couple more posts in regards to this experience up my sleeve in the future.

Every night, just before we read scriptures together and go to sleep for the night, Nick and I write in our Blessing Book, which is a joint daily journal where we record one way we've each seen the hand of the Lord in our lives that day. Tuesday night, just after writing in it about scheduling our first couple of home study interviews, a flood of memories of anxiety and anticipation came rushing back in my mind. I opened up our previous, completed book and it fell open to the following entry:

December 30, 2010

[Nick's Entry] Today we drove to Roseburg and met Hayley, Hannah, and their family. We were at their home for nearly 4.5 hours. We talked about our feelings about adoption and parenting, played with Hannah, ate lunch, and had a wonderful time. I got to hold Hannah while she slept for about 90 min. She is a beautiful little girl and if it's right we would love to have her as a part of our family. We were very impressed with Hayley's parents and siblings as well. The meeting generally went as well as we could have hoped. We are still waiting for Hayley to decide, but we already feel close to Hayley, Hannah, and the whole family.

[My Entry] There were some really tender moments today while talking about open adoption and what we really want for our children. We want them to know they are loved tremendously, which is why they were placed for adoption. It was clear that assertion gave Hayley and her mother, Jesse, a lot of peace. They are such a good family and I hope and pray that over the coming years we get to stay in contact with them no matter what. They are dear people and it would be an honor to have them in our family and us in theirs. It is comforting to know that whatever happens Hannah will have a wonderful life.

 Hannah and Hayley on the day we met.

I continued to read, and read, and read. I was captivated by my own story, like it was from another person in another time and place altogether. All those loving thoughts towards Hayley, Hannah, and their family came rushing back into my mind, and I sincerely missed them. I missed the connectedness I felt with them as we went through the crazy ups and downs of that particular adoption experience. And then, in an extremely familiar way, I longed for our next child, and then in a not so familiar way, I longed for the relationship we will have with their birth family. That was a new and exciting feeling!

We don't have a daughter named Hannah, but we do love a little girl named Hannah almost as if she was our own, because for about 24 hours in our hearts and minds, she was going to be. It was so easy to fall in love with her, Hayley, and their family. Hayley and I still exchange emails every couple of months (so grateful for those), we're friends on Facebook so we can see pictures of Hannah being amazing, and we follow each others' blogs to keep up on each others' lives.

As for Hannah, just as I said she would, she has such a wonderful life with her mom, aunt, uncles, and grandparents. Even though that experience was very hard, stressful, and caused a lot of intense work-out sessions (I guess that's not so bad), I wouldn't change that experience for the world. Hannah and Hayley continue to touch and change our lives for the better, and they are so loved and honored in our home, and will be forever.

Hayley and I have even talked about having a playdate with our girls, so I hope someday we can still pull that off. Trip to Alaska, anyone??

Mourning My Fertile Life

I think this is the third time I've started this post, because I've had the feelings and thoughts but have been unsure how to form them coherently.

That was until I watched this video (again) and realized that sometimes I, like NieNie, mourn for the loss of the woman I thought I was going to become. By now I thought I was going to be a young mom with 4 kids under the age of 6 with one on the way and planning on having at least 2-3 more. I wanted to have that beautiful family of young children causing raucous during church with my hair frazzled and exhausted at days end because I had worked so hard at being a pregnant mom trying to wrangle my small but growing family. That woman I imagined had been bred for motherhood glory, endowed with child-bearing hips and so many babysitting opportunities in her youth it would make anyone's head spin! She was everything every other mom looked to as a pillar of strength because she fulfilled all her responsibilities with her young family and still served others willingly and faithfully and kept her home cute and beautiful. Her life was far too perfect to be actually real for anyone to be living. It was unrealistic, sure, but in some sense plausible.

Occasionally, more often as we go through adoption paperwork, I mourn over the loss of that once idealistic scenario of mine. That picture in my head of that woman I thought I would become fades with every passing day that I am not pregnant or not adopting another child. I do--I really mourn that woman because I know she will never exist. At least not how I pictured her...not how I pictured myself and my life and my family. Many tears have been shed over her, and many more are still to come, I'm certain of that.

I am already 25, almost 26, and have only one baby and there are currently 4 exposed nails pounded into my walls where frames have been removed and nothing has replaced them. The mother and homemaker at one time I thought I would be at this point is a fantasy, and sometimes when I linger on that fantasy I forget about the fantastical life I do have.

My husband is a wonderful provider, financially, spiritually, emotionally, et cetera-ly for our family. He loves me and we just celebrated a wonderful 6th anniversary together this past Saturday.

My daughter is a miracle in our family placed with us for time and eternity by two wonderfully amazing parents who love her as much as Nick and I do. Not many parents have people in their children's lives that love their children as much as they do, but our children do/will.

I had the opportunity to get an advanced education where learned so many fascinating things, but mostly that I am capable of doing things I never thought I could. In that vision I had of myself in the past, I never ever was doing data analysis and really enjoying my work. That wasn't my "area" of skill or interest.

I think perhaps the thing I am most grateful for that I could not have ever guessed as a younger woman was that I would eventually be so incredibly grateful for the trial of infertility as much I am today. How could I have known that the experiences related to my greatest trial (so far) would shape my faith and the way I serve others and the compassion I have for others and the love I have for my husband and daughter so abundantly that I can't imagine my life without those experiences? And why would I want to?

I  have such a wonderful life and I am blessed everyday to be living in it! Sometimes thoughts of that once-fantasy life creeps in my mind and I once again take a moment to mourn the loss of that young mother who has it all and can grow her family whenever she wants. Sure those thoughts come, and I honestly don't want those thoughts to ever go away completely. While the specifics can't be as I thought they would be, the happy home and family I imagined certainly can be. That vision, while different, is a lot closer and more attainable than I sometimes think it is. And those visions I receive of that version of me who has "it all" keeps me striving for "it all" (as much as I can control) in my current circumstance.

And even if I never have another child, or a dog, or a home that is the envy of the neighborhood, I still have such a beautiful life! And I am grateful for it everyday!

I honestly wouldn't change a thing...except for maybe those exposed nails on the wall. Something must be done there. 

Kung Fu Adoption Awesomeness

Nick and I watched Kung Fu Panda 2 on Saturday night, and neither of us knew about the adoption overtones throughout the movie.

Oh, you didn't know about them either? Well, spoiler alert: Po's father, the Goose, adopted Po the Panda. Once Po found that out, he spends the rest of the movie asking the question "Who am I?" and "Where did I come from?"

In Nick's and my review of the movie this morning, I kind of found that storyline to be a bit...dull. Maybe these questions are pertinent to adoptees of another generation, and maybe other parents now have a big reveal to their kids that they were adopted, but frankly, as a participant in an open adoption relationship, I just don't understand it.

We have a picture of Ray, Melissa, Ray's dad, and Bjorn (Ray's son) up in Alexa's bedroom. We're going to visit them in a couple weeks. They're apart of our lives, as is adoption, and they will all continue to be a part of our lives forever.

We may have to have a "Do you understand what adoption is?" talk with Alexa sometime in the future, but not a "You were adopted" talk like Po had with his father.

Do you know who else agrees with me on this point? Angelina Jolie (and I assume Brad Pitt), one of the stars of Kung Fu Panda. Below is a portion of an interview she had regarding the movie and they talked about how she plans on revealing to her kids they were adopted. I like her response at 1:09 in the video (apparently YouTube's queue feature isn't as awesome as open adoption).

It's interesting to me that adoption to people that aren't in it is such a thrilling storyline for movies and books. This whole self-discovery because one wasn't raised by their biological parents just doesn't resonate with me at all anymore. Why should Alexa be confused about who she is anymore than any other self-reflective child/teen? If anything I would think adoption provides more information for a child to discover their true identity as not only a child of God, but they're also a child to their birthparents, and a child to their adoptive family. Three sources of information from people that love her as their own child...that is/will be really nice.

What a blessing open adoption is!

Happiness is...JCPenny's

After weeks and months apart, we finally were able to see Ray, Melissa, and Bjorn (Ray's 11-year old son) this past Saturday! It was the best visit ever!

We met at a mall and had lunch (mall food isn't great, but sometimes it hits the spot, ya know?). Then we walked around and actually ended up in JCPenny playing on some model beds. Pillows are one of Alexa's new obsessions. We had such a wonderful time and are so grateful for the family we adopted right along with Alexa!

This is Alexa's cheesy smile. 

She's starting to show off for the camera when we pull it out, which is both cute and 

frustrating because it means she stops doing what we were trying to get a picture of.

Can you see where she gets her beautiful smile...and eyes?

We can't wait until the next time we get to see them!

PS They gave Alexa a stuffed bear, which we thought should have a Christmas name, so we named him "Buddy, the Elf, the Bear." She loves laying her head on him!

Abortion, Adoption, and Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs was a titan in the electronic industry and generally a good man who inspired many people to also live their own dreams. He is and will be surely missed.

He was also adopted, and not aborted.

Not every mother considering abortion should instead place her baby for adoption, but consider this:

"Adoptions ensure that children are given life. Jobs’ adoption was very beneficial, creating and shaping him into the leader that he would later become.

What would a world look like in which Steve Jobs had been aborted?

Out of the 52 million abortions in the US in the past 38 years, how many other Jobs’s have we extinguished?" source, emphasis added

The world we live in now has been infinitely changed by this man and his courageous birthmom who chose to give him the opportunity to do so. We are especially grateful this day for all birthparents who made that same impossibly difficult decision.

I blogged about Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech before, but today I think it would be appropriate to watch it again and glean from this man just a small portion of what he gave to us. Rest in peace, Steve, and may your family be blessed in this difficult time!

"You've got to find what you love and that is as true for work as it is for lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you've found it." -Steve Jobs

Girl, Not Boy; Placed, Not Given Up

I know at this point in time some details about Alexa's life are really not all that critical enough that strangers or acquaintances get them right.

Her gender, for example, is something that is constantly getting muddled. (No matter how much/many pink/purple/flowers/hearts she is wearing, if there is no bow on her head, some old lady will approach me and say what a beautiful blue-eyed boy I have. Why are people obsessed with blue eyes? But I digress..)

Post-sweet potatoes eating experiment. Result: she likes them!

Another point that is not extremely important for strangers to get correct is one, like her gender, that I find very important! The fact that Ray and Melissa placed her in our family and did not just give her up seems unimportant to others unaware of the love they have for her, but to Nick and I, they placed her in our arms, home, and family with as much care as anyone has ever had for a child.

 One of Alexa's favorite chew toys. The poor little guy has no eyes anymore.

And just like her gender, it only makes people uncomfortable when I correct them, especially when we just met. So when strangers or acquaintances ask why her "real" parents gave her up (a point corrected by my friend, Jill, here), I simply reply that "Alexa's birth-parents placed her with us because they love her, and wanted the best they could give her."

It's simple, yet so profound. It's a detail that I always want Alexa to know is vitally important to who she is and how her daddy and I view her.

Just like her gender.

What a beloved little girl we have that her Heavenly Father placed her with her birth-family who then placed her with her adopted family. All because they love her. How I love adoption and all of Alexa's families!

Music Monday: Worth the Wait

I've been texting back and forth with Ray, Piglet's birth father today. He called Nick her father, and let me tell ya, that never gets old. This man bowed out of that role so Nick could have it...actually, it wasn't for Nick. It was for Alexa.

He bowed out so Alexa could have Nick as her father. So many things about having her in our home with her birth family have been definitely worth the wait!

The song I picked was written for another adoptive couple and the music is here (it's not on the market yet), and the lyrics are below. Beautiful stuff!

Post Script: The author of the song gave me the link for the embed code, so here it is!

Worth the Wait | Online Karaoke

Worth the Wait

Waiting…Believing

Wanting…Pleading

Counting all the tries

Wondering just how many times it’s gonna take

And thinking that this better be

Worth the Wait

Dreaming…Finally Finding

Planning…Buying

Counting down the weeks

Wishing somehow I could speed up all these days

And hoping that it’ll be

Worth the Wait

After all the hours that seemed like days and all the days that seemed like years

Well time will tell and time will heal and time has finally brought you here

Holding…Feel like flying

Laughing…Crying

We made it all the way

And now tomorrow is today, it finally came

And now I’m knowing it was totally

Worth the Wait

After all the hours that seemed like days and all the days that seemed like years

Well time will tell and time will heal and time has finally brought you here

Lovin’ You

Is my wildest wait come true

And I’d do it all all over

Cuz baby you know you were

Worth the wait

You were worth the wait

Wake Up, Farm!

This is one of Piglet's new favorite books from Grandma Nelson. Piglet got so excited reading it with Grandma that she ripped off the duck's foot on the back page with the pop-up (not pictured because Piglet is sleeping and the book is in her room.)

Anyway, I think she may like it because she, like the animals on the farm, just love waking up! She thinks Daddy and I are heroes for coming and rescuing her from her crib and swaddle, which she has usually destroyed by the time we get in there. These pictures were for Melissa who wanted to see a great big smile, but I thought you guys might want to see them, too! Not the biggest smile I've gotten for getting her out of bed, but not bad. She is so cute, right?

Speaking of waking up, Piglet did not wake up until about 6am and then drank a little, slept a little, drank a little more, and then went down for a real nap at 9am! I'll count that as sleeping through the night, so woo hoo!

We Found Our Family

As many of our readers know we recently adopted a beautiful little girl, Alexa (aka Piglet).


But what those of you that aren't as familiar with adoption may not know is that when we adopted Alexa we really adopted a whole new family.  So meet the other two new members of our family - Ray and Melissa.

We really don't know what it is like to have enough love and courage to recognize that adoption is the right thing for your child, but we do know what it looks like.  There are a lot of tears, some powerful moments of peace, a wild emotional roller-coaster, and the ability to override overwhelming parental instincts that scream "keep this baby with you!!".  Ray and Melissa had the faith and courage to move ahead with what they knew was best for their little girl, and somehow they decided that we could help.

The best part about open adoption is that this is not the end of our relationship with Ray and Melissa but the beginning.  When Aly is blessed in church in 6 months and baptized in 8 years, they'll be invited.  When we get cute pictures of her playing dress up in a couple years, we'll talk on the phone about how adorable she is.  When Aly gets the chicken pox we'll all worry about her together. Our little Piglet will never have to wonder why her biological parents decided to place her in our family because if she does she'll be able to ask them herself.

Welcome to the family Melissa and Ray!

Thanks for Considering Adoption

Adoption has been on our mind recently (duh!), but especially over the last couple months. We do not pretend to know how difficult of a decision it is to place one's little baby for adoption, but we are so grateful for mom's out there who do choose that life for their children.

We also want to express our gratitude to those who have even considered adoption, because that is also inexplicably difficult. We know this because of a wonderful family we have gotten to know recently. We love them dearly! Speaking to all considering adoption, even if adoption is not for your family, we know that mom's who consider adoption love their baby immeasurably, and loving parents are something everyone can be grateful for. Thank you for loving your children! We know they will have a wonderful life because of that love.

Below is a story about a young man who was placed for adoption, and who doesn't know his birthmom, but decided to write her a song of gratitude. The story and the song are beautiful, and what's great is that now, with open adoption, there doesn't have to be this uncertainty about what type of life adopted children have. Birthparents can know that they made the right choice, and we, as a couple, would honor that choice and the love our children's birthparent's have for them in our home everyday. Thank you, and a million times over again, thank you!

This is the backstory:

This is the song:

Our friends, Marianne and Doug, posted these videos on their blog. They adopted an adorable little girl this past year (we got to be there for the sealing!) and you can read about their beautiful family here.

When I in Awesome Wonder...

My thoughts are simple tonight.

Parents do hard things for their kids.

Sometimes they wait for them.

Sometimes they let them go.

And maybe the hardest thing of all is knowing that there's nothing they can do except to pray for them.

I know that God takes care of and watches over all of His children. Lucky for us we don't have to be perfect parents because He's got that part covered.

All we have to do is be faithful parents. Faithful to the Father that gave us life, and to our families that make life worth living.

The feeling that everything that is most important to you in the entire universe is completely out of your hands is so frustrating, and yet knowing that God has everything most important in His hands makes it okay. It's still hard, but it's better. Infinitely better.

Something else that makes the pain better is knowing that "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." That verse has new meaning to me now. God gave His son so that all His children could have the best life possible. Isn't that what adoption is all about? May God bless birth parents everywhere for their sacrifice!

My final thought is this (and then it's bedtime), and I'm going to borrow the language from a wonderful man for this one, but I don't think he minds:

"Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name.

Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel,and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.

Now my brethern, we see that God is mindful of every people; whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks to my God forever. Amen." (emphasis added)

Thank you Ammon for saying what my heart longs to say, but you're so much more eloquent than I. These words are found in this book on page 275. I recommend the read.

Honorable Parents

We honor the birthparents of our children, already. We know that without them the likelihood of our chance for parenthood and fulfilling our life's most important role would be significantly diminished. We do not know who they are, or where they are, or exactly what trials or joys they are experiencing at the moment, but we do know that someday, maybe soon and maybe not for a while, they are going to have to make the most difficult decision of their lives.

If you, the sweet biological parents of our tiny babies, are reading this, please know that we honor, love, and respect you now and forever. You are and will always be so close to our hearts, and we will spend a lifetime, an eternity, trying to thank you for your courage, love, and selfless hearts. May God bless you in whatever difficulties you maybe experiencing, and may He bless you with insurmountable joys and blessings in the future. You are our miracle angels, and Nicholas and I love you beyond measure. Truly we are already family and were always meant to be!

It's About Love-ly Adoption Stories

We know this particular situation does not reflect all possible adoption situations, but it does, at least in part, reflect our feelings on adoption. It's all about love, family, and openness. We love the prospect of our little babies having more people that love them as much as we do, and having a whole new family to share our lives with! Like our headline says, "We're finding the family that is looking for us!" Enjoy the video, it's pretty awesome.

The agency in the video is not ours, but if you'd like to learn more about open adoption, please go ahead and visit our adoption agency's website at ItsAboutLove.org.

The Disney Adoption Complex

We are Disney fans, generally. We really like Emperor's New Groove, Aladdin, Robin Hood, and dozens of other classics, including the new Pixar additions to the renowned Disney collection. However, Disney has typically, with a few exceptions, had a difficult time putting a positive spin on one area: adoption/non-biological families. I would like to submit the following pieces of evidence for your consideration: