Blurry Pictures

Getting one kid to hold still and smile in the right spot for a cute picture is no problemo, but two kids is another matter altogether.

And so the stage of blurry, non-looking pictures has begun...but they are still cute!

Potty Training has Created a Monster!

My Crazy Girl and Me

I'm not a yeller...at least not outside of organized sports, then yelling is fair game! (Get it? Fair game!)

But in my house, I really wouldn't say I yell a lot. Raise my voice to let the kiddo know I'm serious (because I do goof around a lot), but it's really not often.

At least until potty-training...

Within the past month when we've gone full-on no diaper during the day at all, I have cleaned up WAY TOO MUCH fecal matter, and I have also seen a fear in my daughter's eyes that I hoped she would only show her soon-to-be murderer. I have literally yelled and hit my hand on the door just to make her feel a small part of the frustration and anger that I felt at that moment.

I'm pretty sure all she felt is fear and sadness, and those feelings do not foster a potty-trained kid or a healthy mother-daughter relationship. Trust me.

I don't share this information because I am proud of it or because I have all the solutions. I simply share because this is my soap box, and I have something to say that I need to hear:

Yelling at your children is NEVER okay. I'm not talking about the voice of warning that needs to be sharp and loud to keep your kids safe, nor am I talking about the "will you turn that noise down?!" moments. I am talking about the moments when your blood is boiling and you feel that exasperation down through your fingertips that just uncontrollably explodes out of you!

But that's just the thing. You can control it. YOU CAN CONTROL IT (I'm raising my voice at myself, not yelling)! It is really hard to forgive the 70 x 7th poopy mess that you've had to clean up this week for sure, but it's possible. 

The question comes down to it, Rachel, what kind of mom do you want to be? Do you want to be the kind of mom that yells at her kids? No? Well, then stop it! Do you want to be the kind of mom that holds a grudge against her 2 year old for being scared of pooping on the toilet and then scaring her after she has an accident because you are completely out of ideas? No? Well, then stop it! Do you want to be the kind of mom that invites and encourages the spirit of God into your home with positive, uplifting, and loving words, thoughts, and actions? Yes? Well, then just do it!

And that "just do it" philosophy is probably a lot easier said online than done as you literally watch your daughter poop her pants for the upteenth time, but there's good news (thank goodness)! You have help, which means you have hope. You're literally going to get dozens of more chances over the next few months to approach a disgusting, stinky, and heart-achingly horrible mess better than you approached the last one. You get this opportunity because Jesus gave it to you. The second verse of a song you sing to Alexa often (and gets you choked up as you sing it to her) goes like this:

If the Savior stood beside me, would I say the things I say?

Would my words be true and kind if He were never far away?

Would I try to share the gospel? Would I speak more rev'rently,

If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?

Rachel, you've made mistakes, but you can do better. You can be kinder, more loving, more empathetic, more patient, more long-suffering, more easy to be entreated, and more Christ-like. Lucky for you I've compiled some resources to help you for when you are having a tough day. You're very welcome.

1. Remember, you really do love love love your beautiful baby girl! I mean, look at this face!

2. You know that the words you say stay with you longer than anyone, for now, and your family can't spiritually afford to have you not at the top of your spiritual game as much as possible -- and improving what you say and how you say it is possible!

3. Here's a great talk about The Words We Speak and you could greatly benefit from reading it again.

4. Here are a couple great blog posts with reminders that unnecessary distractions are debilitating as a mom and when I yell at my kids when no one's around, my kids are around, and they're my most important audience!

5. You're not the only mom with this problem/concern. The latter mom in #4 made an entire blog with all sorts of helpful ideas and resources for your improving pleasure! Her story is inspiring, her challenge is frightening, and her list of alternatives to yelling is thought-provoking! You should spend some time beat-bopping around her website.

6. You can do this! You're kids are young, and everyday is pretty similar to the day before, so you are going to get BUCKETS of chances to make your mothering experience EXACTLY the one you want it to be! You're on the Lord's side on this one, and you can choose, every moment of everyday, to be the person He wants you to become.

Thanks for the pep talk! I needed that! Now since I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to 365 days of no yelling, I'm going to shoot for 1 week. Starting yesterday, because I did well and I need all the help I can get, for one week I am not going to yell at my kids...no matter what poopy mess and craziness awaits me. I can do this!!

I'll update you next Monday on how I did! Yay for making our homes and families what we want them to be!!

As of Lately...

...We're happy!

...We play nice.

...We watch shows under blankets.

...We dress up.

...We bathe.

...We eat (oatmeal with carrots).

...We drink.

...We be merry.

...We're awesome!

...Life is pretty incredible!

Failed Adoption, Remembered Blessings

I've written about our failed adoption before in very little detail here and here, but this is the first post in which I have used names or pictures, of course with pertinent party's permission. My guess is I have a couple more posts in regards to this experience up my sleeve in the future.

Every night, just before we read scriptures together and go to sleep for the night, Nick and I write in our Blessing Book, which is a joint daily journal where we record one way we've each seen the hand of the Lord in our lives that day. Tuesday night, just after writing in it about scheduling our first couple of home study interviews, a flood of memories of anxiety and anticipation came rushing back in my mind. I opened up our previous, completed book and it fell open to the following entry:

December 30, 2010

[Nick's Entry] Today we drove to Roseburg and met Hayley, Hannah, and their family. We were at their home for nearly 4.5 hours. We talked about our feelings about adoption and parenting, played with Hannah, ate lunch, and had a wonderful time. I got to hold Hannah while she slept for about 90 min. She is a beautiful little girl and if it's right we would love to have her as a part of our family. We were very impressed with Hayley's parents and siblings as well. The meeting generally went as well as we could have hoped. We are still waiting for Hayley to decide, but we already feel close to Hayley, Hannah, and the whole family.

[My Entry] There were some really tender moments today while talking about open adoption and what we really want for our children. We want them to know they are loved tremendously, which is why they were placed for adoption. It was clear that assertion gave Hayley and her mother, Jesse, a lot of peace. They are such a good family and I hope and pray that over the coming years we get to stay in contact with them no matter what. They are dear people and it would be an honor to have them in our family and us in theirs. It is comforting to know that whatever happens Hannah will have a wonderful life.

 Hannah and Hayley on the day we met.

I continued to read, and read, and read. I was captivated by my own story, like it was from another person in another time and place altogether. All those loving thoughts towards Hayley, Hannah, and their family came rushing back into my mind, and I sincerely missed them. I missed the connectedness I felt with them as we went through the crazy ups and downs of that particular adoption experience. And then, in an extremely familiar way, I longed for our next child, and then in a not so familiar way, I longed for the relationship we will have with their birth family. That was a new and exciting feeling!

We don't have a daughter named Hannah, but we do love a little girl named Hannah almost as if she was our own, because for about 24 hours in our hearts and minds, she was going to be. It was so easy to fall in love with her, Hayley, and their family. Hayley and I still exchange emails every couple of months (so grateful for those), we're friends on Facebook so we can see pictures of Hannah being amazing, and we follow each others' blogs to keep up on each others' lives.

As for Hannah, just as I said she would, she has such a wonderful life with her mom, aunt, uncles, and grandparents. Even though that experience was very hard, stressful, and caused a lot of intense work-out sessions (I guess that's not so bad), I wouldn't change that experience for the world. Hannah and Hayley continue to touch and change our lives for the better, and they are so loved and honored in our home, and will be forever.

Hayley and I have even talked about having a playdate with our girls, so I hope someday we can still pull that off. Trip to Alaska, anyone??

Love Grows!

When Alexa woke up from her nap yesterday just a couple hours into the whole ordeal, she was just crying and crying and I decided to go in and see if I couldn't soothe her back to sleep.

I just held her and rocked with her.

I did this for 1 hour and 20 minutes. That wasn't expected, but very welcomed.

While I was holding and reading Peter Pan to her I got to thinking: "it's not fair that I will not get to do this with our other kids." The more kids we add to our family the more my time has to be divided between each of them. I desperately want my babies with me, but it's just not fair that they won't get as much of me as I want to give or feel like I they deserve to have.

And so I held Alexa a bit tighter.

I may have shed a little tear, mourning for the pending craziness of my future life where I won't be able to take up my child for 80 minutes and just hold him/her. By ourselves. Without interruption.  Just one more gesture that I could make to help them know how much I love them.

I was saddened by that thought and then this idea scurried across my mind for just a moment: "I'm pretty sure I can be happy as a mom of just one beautiful baby girl, and then she can have all my attention, and all my love."

But just at that moment, this musing entered my mind: "Love Grows."

Time may not be able to be justly divided between everything and everyone I love, but that thought gave me hope. The pounding in my chest as I feel my heart pump out love for my daughter and husband will only get more powerful with every new addition to our family. The joy I feel each day as my daughter embraces me with a tight neck-hug or a slobbery open-mouth cheek-kiss will only widen and deepen with every child that comes into our home.

My mourning turned into songs of rejoicing once I realized that even though nearly everything in this world we experience is finite in expanse and scope, love is the one exception. It grows and grows and grows until your heart feels like it may not be able to contain all the love that is growing up inside it and is then poured out from overflowing cups of love and joy as little drops of tears from one's eye.

There is no need to fear the impossible list of future responsibilities and tasks that will surely unjustly steal away those precious moments I wish I could have with each of my children when I know that God has given us such an incredible gift. He gave us the capability to experience and share love with one another. And then, as if that wasn't enough, we get to grow right along with love and are able to watch love grow and develop into a starry night of infinite beauty and possibilities filled with relationships of our families and dear friends. 

I so gratefully praise the Lord that love grows!

Born This Way!

Nobody would have ever guessed that this little tomboy (the girl you could not have paid enough money to wear a dress, a ruffled sock, or anything pink)

 That would be me up front in boys' clothes with my fingers up my nose.

would be the mother of this little girl who was born making everything a headband, necklace, or bracelet (including sports bras, hangers, and masking tape).

Yes, that's a pipe-cleaner headband.

Doesn't she look so grown up here?

 We'll work on placement technique later.

Nobody.

PS How cute is my baby??

Mourning My Fertile Life

I think this is the third time I've started this post, because I've had the feelings and thoughts but have been unsure how to form them coherently.

That was until I watched this video (again) and realized that sometimes I, like NieNie, mourn for the loss of the woman I thought I was going to become. By now I thought I was going to be a young mom with 4 kids under the age of 6 with one on the way and planning on having at least 2-3 more. I wanted to have that beautiful family of young children causing raucous during church with my hair frazzled and exhausted at days end because I had worked so hard at being a pregnant mom trying to wrangle my small but growing family. That woman I imagined had been bred for motherhood glory, endowed with child-bearing hips and so many babysitting opportunities in her youth it would make anyone's head spin! She was everything every other mom looked to as a pillar of strength because she fulfilled all her responsibilities with her young family and still served others willingly and faithfully and kept her home cute and beautiful. Her life was far too perfect to be actually real for anyone to be living. It was unrealistic, sure, but in some sense plausible.

Occasionally, more often as we go through adoption paperwork, I mourn over the loss of that once idealistic scenario of mine. That picture in my head of that woman I thought I would become fades with every passing day that I am not pregnant or not adopting another child. I do--I really mourn that woman because I know she will never exist. At least not how I pictured her...not how I pictured myself and my life and my family. Many tears have been shed over her, and many more are still to come, I'm certain of that.

I am already 25, almost 26, and have only one baby and there are currently 4 exposed nails pounded into my walls where frames have been removed and nothing has replaced them. The mother and homemaker at one time I thought I would be at this point is a fantasy, and sometimes when I linger on that fantasy I forget about the fantastical life I do have.

My husband is a wonderful provider, financially, spiritually, emotionally, et cetera-ly for our family. He loves me and we just celebrated a wonderful 6th anniversary together this past Saturday.

My daughter is a miracle in our family placed with us for time and eternity by two wonderfully amazing parents who love her as much as Nick and I do. Not many parents have people in their children's lives that love their children as much as they do, but our children do/will.

I had the opportunity to get an advanced education where learned so many fascinating things, but mostly that I am capable of doing things I never thought I could. In that vision I had of myself in the past, I never ever was doing data analysis and really enjoying my work. That wasn't my "area" of skill or interest.

I think perhaps the thing I am most grateful for that I could not have ever guessed as a younger woman was that I would eventually be so incredibly grateful for the trial of infertility as much I am today. How could I have known that the experiences related to my greatest trial (so far) would shape my faith and the way I serve others and the compassion I have for others and the love I have for my husband and daughter so abundantly that I can't imagine my life without those experiences? And why would I want to?

I  have such a wonderful life and I am blessed everyday to be living in it! Sometimes thoughts of that once-fantasy life creeps in my mind and I once again take a moment to mourn the loss of that young mother who has it all and can grow her family whenever she wants. Sure those thoughts come, and I honestly don't want those thoughts to ever go away completely. While the specifics can't be as I thought they would be, the happy home and family I imagined certainly can be. That vision, while different, is a lot closer and more attainable than I sometimes think it is. And those visions I receive of that version of me who has "it all" keeps me striving for "it all" (as much as I can control) in my current circumstance.

And even if I never have another child, or a dog, or a home that is the envy of the neighborhood, I still have such a beautiful life! And I am grateful for it everyday!

I honestly wouldn't change a thing...except for maybe those exposed nails on the wall. Something must be done there. 

The Parent of All Virtues

A lot of familiar feelings have been creeping into my life recently that I have forgotten to have since about a year ago. One of which is this longing for something I desperately want and feel like I can do nothing about, which is kinda annoying. It's really not the feeling that's annoying, it's feeling that feeling that's annoying, like I'm taking steps backwards in my personal progression. (Clear as mud, right?) Shouldn't I be beyond getting frustrated over my reproductive capabilities?

I guess I naively thought that since these feelings took a sabbatical during my new-mommy-honeymoon-stage that they would stay away for good. I don't know why I was surprised when they came back, but I was. After my initial shock wore off I thought "well, what are you going to do about it?"

A couple Sundays ago I gave a comment in church that was a revelation from God that answered my own question. Be Grateful. Life can be so full if one is only grateful for what they have and then recognize that everything they are grateful for comes from God. I love this quote on gratitude:

We can lift ourselves and others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues. Someone has said that “gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”

Publicly I would like to say that I am so grateful for my life! For my husband, daughter, family, and friends. Whether we have 1 kid or 100 kids or anything in between I have such a full and happy life and so much gratitude for my Father in Heaven who has entrusted me with all these blessings.

I look forward to all the blessings and miracles (big and little) that will come into our life!

Can We Skip Leap Day?

I read on a friend's Facebook status that leap day means nothing you do today counts. While I don't particularly subscribe to that philosophy completely, I do like the sound of it. Not that today was a total waste, but it could have been a lot better.

I'm feeling a little homesick. Not just for Oregon, but for my sisters (really hardcore missing them), and for my babies who are not here with us. Yes, I think that's what was up with me today. Not an excuse, just some reasoning.

Also, I'm feeling like I'm in a bit of a rut. Same old stuff to do, and same old excuses to make to not do some of the stuff. Not that everyday is without joy, because I really love my life, just today I was feeling the loneliness and monotony of Mommy-hood for some reason. Weird.

Now I'm being all melodramatic, so this post needs to be over. As does this leap day. Let's start fresh and anew tomorrow. I'm sure it will be loads better!

To end this post on a happy note, here are some pictures of the Bambino with some ca-razy bedhead after a nap a couple days ago:

Here's to a better leap day in four years!

Music Monday

A Thousand Years, Christina Perri

This is exactly how I have felt, at times, about adoption, about Alexa, about all my future babies. And I kinda hate that it's Bella and Edward's theme song...not because I necessarily hate Twilight, it's just not how I feel about Nick, so I think the song is misinterpreting itself. Yeah, I know it's silly, but it's the truth. Beautiful song. Enjoy!

A Moment of Silence...

...for Borders who, after 40 years, filed for bankruptcy and closing its doors.

Sad day.

via

I admit, however, I haven't been inside a Borders for years, as most books that I purchase come from Amazon. Nonetheless, it's sad Aly will grow up in a world without Borders.

Sad indeed. Even though closing sales begin today, I simply cannot participate or relish that this means they'll be gone soon. Too sad.

A Temporary Cleansing

Last night before bed I caught myself reading our blessing book entries from back in January.

What? You don't know what a blessing book is? It's our nightly journal where we say at least one thing that happened that we recognized the hand of the Lord in our lives that day.

What? You don't know what happened in January? That was when our failed adoption happened. Those posts seemed like a lifetime ago...and it has only been 6 months!

***Just as a side note, I hate that term: failed adoption. It sounds so bummer-ish and depressing. I'll be brainstorming a new phrase that reflects my feelings about the experience more accurately. TBA***

Back to last night: for the first time since Alexa's birth I kinda longed for that other little girl that I prayed to be ours for months. I had prayed her mom would choose adoption and choose us. Not that I would exchange Alexa, just I wanted them both! How selfish, right?

Well, it's how I felt. And then I told Nick, "I want Aly to have a sister...like now." And then I wanted to get pregnant, like yesterday. And then I felt that twinge of heartache knowing that I couldn't just "do the deed" and have a sister for Aly in me. Of course it's possible, but it hasn't happened in 5 years, and I really try not to get caught up in those thoughts because, even though I'm a mom, they still make me sad.

Those little reminders of my infertility have been hurting more often lately, like friends being pregnant or having baby showers while pregnant. They're reminders of a former life before motherhood, which feels like an eternity ago, and I don't particularly like it. They make me feel ungrateful for the life and experiences I have had because of my infertility. The people I have met and loved and love and will love forever.

So this post is a temporary cleansing of those feelings, because I think they'll creep up again. But for now, I am grateful that to the right of my laptop is a bowl with a little milk leftover from breakfast, a teething ring, an empty bottle, and a dirty receiving blanket. All because of adoption.

And I find myself grateful for my infertility. And my sisters.

Happiness is...Feet in the Grass

  

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

One of the songs I sing to Aly when I put her to sleep says the following:

I'm trying to be like Jesus;

I'm following in His ways.

I'm trying to love as He did

In all that I do and say.

At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,

But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers:

"Love one another as Jesus loves you.

Try to show kindness in all that you do.

Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,

For these are the things Jesus taught."

Typically this song is sung by children. In fact, I sang this song many times as a child, which is why the words still resonate with me. It wasn't until I was a teenager that these words really sunk in. For the first time I realized this is how I hope I live my life, all summed up in one little song. 

And so I sing it to my daughter, because this is how I hope she lives her life. 

There are many other things I really want my daughter to know. Of course a knowledge of Jesus Christ is the center of that, but I hope she learns many other wonderful things as well. I was just watching a commencement speech given by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Inc., to Stanford graduates in 2005. He concluded his comments with the phrase

"Stay hungry. Stay foolish." 

Sidenote: Aly is hungry almost every 3 hours to a T, so I hope if she stays that hungry she learns to feed herself.

I imagine he means to stay ambitious, hungry for life and opportunities. Alexa is hungry for formula, but she is also so eager to search and absorb new things. She loves being outside, despite the bright sun. That girl is hungry, and I hope she never loses that.

Alexa is also very naive. She has no idea about the foreign oil crisis or that the Missouri tornado death count reached 116, making it tied for the deadliest tornado in America on record [source]. And to be honest, she doesn't care. All she cares about is that when she cries someone is there to meet her needs, and if we're really good, we meet her needs before she cries. Of course I want her to have compassion for others, but I don't want her to lose focus of what is really important in life, and for the moment she has that down! She knows her mommy and daddy will be there to help her no matter what, and that she has to nap even when she thinks she doesn't want to nap. That's it. Steve Jobs called it foolishness to believe the world is as small as your 900 sq ft condo. I call it focus.

As she grows older and learns new things, she will grow more hungry/passionate for specific things, first bubbles then horses then boys then who knows. As that hunger grows, I hope her foolishness/focus grows with it. I hope she believes that she can go and do anything her passionate heart leads her to do. And it's my job, as her mother, to nurture her with all the tools she needs to get her there, and I think the least of those tools is money, and the greatest of those tools is love.

That's what I wish and hope for my baby girl. To stay hungry, stay foolish, and stay with God. And I'll love her every moment, especially as that hunger and foolishness leads to heartbreak and frustration, and as that devotion to God leads to service, compassion, and unavoidable sorrow for the pains of others. And her daddy will do the same...probably trying to help with money because he's a pushover!

What do you hope for your children?

Rolling and Sleeping

A couple big milestones have happened for our baby girl since I posted like 12 days ago. She can now...

roll over on purpose

and

sleep from 10pm to 6am!!

Neither of these things happen consistently, but they have both happened and Nick and I couldn't be prouder-stupidly-beaming parents! Seriously, we're ridiculous.

Aly is pretty stoked, too. See?

Watch out, because we got a well-rested baby on the move!

"You Deserve This"...or not.

 

 We have had so many people express their happiness to us for Alexa coming to our family, but none more perplexing as some variation of

"You guys are so great; you deserve this."

While I have always graciously accepted that compliment, because I do know what they are trying to say, I do want to make one thing perfectly clear:

we do not deserve the blessing of children, Alexa, or being parents!

There is no act, no series of acts, no lifetime of sainthood-worthy decisions that could make us worthy to have this beautiful girl in our home. No. She is entitled to parents and a family sealed for time and all eternity. That is why adoption happens and families exist. Not because parents have done anything special or spectacular enough, or they waited long enough, or they endured the waiting well enough. It's because all children are God's children, and He is blessing our lives with the opportunity to have them in our families.

I think there is some confusion over how blessings work. If we live the how God wants us to live, we will be blessed. Simple enough, right? The confusing part, I think for some, is that specific actions do not lead to specific blessings. We cannot choose the consequences of our actions, or others' actions, good or bad. All of that is up to God and what He knows to be best for us so we can become better people.

Righteous Action A does not lead to Blessing A, it leads to a blessing. Period. 

So while I am flattered that so many people think us to be deserving parents, I submit that there is no such thing as a parent who deserves their child/ren...no matter how awesome they are. ;)

Music Monday

Last Wednesday Nick and I became uncle and aunt to our 5th nephew!

Picture ourtesy of my little sister's Facebook page

My sister, Jen had her second very little boy (weighing in at 5 lbs. even and only 17 inches long). His name is Patrick and we're so excited to meet him here in a few weeks when we go to Oregon! He and Alexa are just 2 months apart, and it has already been a lot of fun to swap stories with Jen about their similarities and differences. We spent a bit of time chatting this past week, which leads me to my sing choice of the day:

Flashback to 2002ish--zippawah!

I was pretty into oldies music and we would pump this song whenever it came on the radio. We would scream it so loud and dance around like idiots. One of my favorite childhood memories!

Music Monday

So, I was at work and missing Piglet (what's new?) and came across this song by Taylor Swift, and seriously thought "this is my song for Music Monday."

I've felt this way since day 2 of my little girl's life, but no matter how hard I wish, she still gets bigger, and better...and surprisingly I love her even more! Hope you enjoy this song which I plan on downloading right when I get home!

Infertiles Everywhere (within the readership of this blog), Read My Call!

(If you're not infertile, you can keep on reading as well, this may interest you as well.)

I was involved with a moderately extended Facebook conversation in which some Infertiles sounded off about how frustrating it is when people who have been trying to get pregnant for less than a year claim infertility. You want the definition of infertility? Our friend Wikipedia shares its take on the matter:

"Reproductive endocrinologists, the doctors specializing in infertility, consider a couple to be infertile if: The couple has not conceived after 12 months of contraceptive-free intercourse if the female is under the age of 34. 12 months is the lower reference limit for Time to Pregnancy (TTP) by the World Health Organization." [link here]

I'm going to be honest, it is frustrating on occasion, when other's claim infertility when it's not. But that's my fault, not theirs.

We, as Infertiles, need to reach out to people who are experiencing the fears and sadness of wanting children and not having them, no matter how long they have had those emotions. It's still scary, it's still heartbreaking, it's still lonely.

The first person I shared my fears with was a close friend. She was single and did not know even a morsel of the worries I had, but she empathized and cried with me. That experience happened after Nick and I had been trying to get pregnant for a whopping 4 months! How foolish I would have sounded to others who had been dealing with actual infertility and not my little problem! My friend was an angel for me, but how nice it would have been for me then to have someone who really understood my pain and fears to hold my hand through that scary time in my life!

I naively thought the every other woman got pregnant whenever she wanted, but that was ignorance. Can we really be upset with those who sincerely are searching for a helping and comforting hand and do not know enough about infertility to identify it appropriately? Those syntactical errors maybe keeping us from loving and serving others, which is really silly! Are they trying to offend? No, and it is a fool who takes offense when none was intended. Often times they can't go to a doctor, and they may only have a handful of friends who have experienced what they're feeling. What would we have them do, suffer alone? 

Personally, I don't want others who maybe feeling the fear of infertility to be afraid to come to me and ask for help, no matter if those feelings have been with them for a day or a decade. We, as Infertiles, should be other women's first resource of help and strength, and not someone they are worried of offending. 

Did Christ ever say "You don't know pain or sorrow. Once you get to Gethsemane and are suffering for the entire world, then come talk to me about heartache and trials"? No, instead He puts up with all our little petty problems and doesn't make us feel like less than He is. In fact, He does not even make our petty problems even feel petty or less than our own personal Gethsemane. 

When we struggle, Christ says "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest...For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." [link here] What do we as humans really know about being "heavy laden[ed]," but Christ, our Redeemer and Savior, said we can take our burdens to Him. If His yoke is easy, what do any of us have to complain about, or why should we make others feel less because we think their burden is less than our own?

Infertiles everywhere (within the readership of this blog), let us take upon ourselves the yoke of Christ, which is to "bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and...mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." [link here] We went through our infertility trial for a purpose, and I like to think that purpose is to better serve our fellow [wo]man and God. Isn't that what all our trials are for anyway?

Speaking of serving, a dear friend of mine who held my virtual hand through our failed adoption is having a Hysterectomy and is sad and scared. Please keep your thoughts and prayers with this amazing woman! She inspires many and now needs our help. Thanks!

Music Monday

Our pick (as chosen by Rachel, although I know Nick would endorse the choice):

Sorry about the lame video, but the real one has embedding disabled by request. Who would request that? Same with the acoustic version.

About a billion posts are being prepared, so prepare yourself for a whole lot of awesomeness exploding out of your computer...including Piglet's adoption story!!