Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Adoption Training

I was waiting to post until something exciting happened. Well, graduate school doesn't really add a whole lot of excitement, making our blog less than thrilling.
I know a lot of people have been interested in our progress with the adoption process, and a couple Fridays ago we made a small step. Colorado's adoption laws require us to participate in Core Training, which covered everything from the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle (see diagram below) to emotions and experiences to expect and ones we may not have expected. We learned that it is important to take time to play with your kids daily, our social worker Kelly called it "Getting in the Pool" (a kiddy one). Nick whispered over to me and said "You shouldn't have a problem doing that, you already live in the pool." How convenient that I'm already one of our kids!
One thing I thought was interesting was that before, and for the rest of our lives, we will be on the infertility roller coaster. A couple that had already adopted one child said that the said feelings of infertility don't go away after you adopt. The wife said it helps, but the sad feelings that happen each month don't stop completely. I hadn't thought about that. I don't mean to put a damper on the experience because at the end of the day I felt so reassured that we are doing the right thing. Nobody wants to get onto the adoption roller coaster without knowing what you're getting into.
Another neat part of the day was being able to talk to a birth mother and her son's adoptive family. We were able to ask them questions about whatever! It was so nice to hear from them how adoption has blessed each of their lives. It's not easy, especially with an open adoption. But both the adoptive and birth mothers said they wouldn't do it any other way.
Here's a question for you, are a worthy husband and wife entitled to have children? I kind of thought so, and I know Nick did because when we were asked this at training he said yes out loud! Well, it's not a crazy thought: if people live righteously and are married in the right place, they should be able to have children right? Wrong! The only place the word entitled is mentioned in any church document is in the Proclamation on the Family where it says "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." The entire reason the church offers this program and seriously subsidizes the cost of adoption is for the children, and their rights to be in a good family, not because the parents have any right at all to having children. Since then we had the perspective that fertility treatments were for us so we could be parents. It was a complete change of mindset.
All in all, we're excited to have boarded the adoption roller coaster and are praying through each dip that we make it to the end with an extra passenger very soon!


Joel & Lila said...

I would completely agree with the couple you talked to about infertility not going away. It lingers over everything, the same as is always has. the only difference for me though is that I have a sweet baby boy that takes my mind off it....but at the very beginning and even still today, I catch myself looking at C-baby trying to decide what features he has that are similar to ours. I always wonder what my biological child will look like and am starting the fertility process yet again to see if I can get more answers as I yearn for peace in my heart and mind. I am ok with the idea of adoption forever, but if there is even a small chance that I could have a child of my own someday, then I would love to experience that too.

Lauren Davison said...

That is an interesting insight on that entitlement thing! Very interesting, indeed! We're praying for you guys, too!

Rob & Kristi Nelson said...

Wow!Can't say I ever thought of it that way! Thank You so much for sharing that with us. I really did appreciate it. We wish you the best.