Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Next Revolution in Child Rearing

Are you ready for this? It was revealed to me as I was eating my Honey Nut Spins this morning at breakfast. What do you do if both kids want to look at the back of the box at the same time? Having them sit close together isn't an option because then they'll start fighting over the box and begin throwing their food at each other. Eating your breakfast with them won't work because who has time for their kids these days? But, there is hope of a peaceful meal. Now introducing:


Designed for the modern family, a spinning arrow is mounted on a small, magnetic dry-erase board. Small for convenience, magnetic to go on the fridge for easy access, and dry-erase for adaptability to adhere to your family's particular needs! How it could be used in the breakfast cereal box scenario is you write the names of the feuding parties on the dry-erase portion of The Fairow, spin the attached arrow, and a fair solution is magically revealed! No more fighting ever! Now, I know what your thinking: "But sometimes life isn't fair. Billy, age 14, will just get to stay up later than Johnny, age 5. How would The Fairow work with that?" Do not fear! The Fairow can solve any of life's unfairnesses by asking The Fairow "who should stay up later" and if the answer is Billy, wonderful! If not, do what you do best: lie to your child! (Another child rearing tip, using big words confuses and disinterests young people quickly.) "Johnny, I empathize with your disquiet, however The Fairow seems to be malfunctioning. I'll place a formal adjuaration with the appropriator at the most immediate suitable hour." If your child has not forgotten about what the incident was at the end of that sentence, enroll them in an advanced school of learning and then promptly go to the store and buy him, what I like to call, a "distracting device," also known as a new toy! NO MORE FIGHTING EVER!!

(This product is under patenting constraints and any attempt to manufacture this device without the express written consent of its designer is prohibited.)

1 comment:

Amber said...

You are so funny. My kids do argue over the cereal box....but I just take it away when they do. I am not as creative as you. :)