MYTH: Infertiles are super sad because of their disease and are super touchy about it, so you shouldn't talk to them about their infertility or babies or your own pregnancy.
BUSTED!: Yeah, there are some insecure sobbies out there, but the majority of us have pretty thick skin and pretty big hearts. It takes a lot to really damage us, and from years of fertility treatments and insensitive questions we're pretty used to talking very openly about our conception issues. Yes, we have our bad days and moments that are emotionally trying, but let's not assume that's a constant state of being. We like educating people about our infertility...why do you suppose there are so many blogs written by infertiles?? (Or an entire week dedicated to infertility awareness? Just sayin'.)
After a recent post I received an email from a long-time friend from high school who said the following:
"I'm often 'scared' to comment about things that I know I don't understand fully and probably never will...And please, don't take offense to this because often reading something doesn't project your tone of voice very well. When a person conceives a child and she has a friend or family member who is having a hard time doing so, is it better to say nothing at all rather than express the joy you are feeling?"From personal experience/personality, I know it can be uncomfortable talking about something you may not know a whole lot about with someone who knows a whole lot more about that something than you do (hello, I'm married to an astrophysicist for crying out loud). I know that there are fears out there among fertile myrtles that keep them from talking with me or other friends about our disease so as to spare their feelings because something you say may end up on an annoyed blog post (some things I wish people would just stop doing) the next day. I really do understand those hesitations...been there.
NEWSFLASH: We know we're not pregnant, and that's okay. It's never the sincere quandaries from a person who truly wants to know more about our disease that ever hurts, it's the insensitive thoughtless comments that get under our thick skin. I would say 99% of us would rather have you talk and sincerely want to know answers about our disease than not say anything and pretend like it doesn't exist. Infertility exists, it's very real for some of us, and that's okay if you're not part of that elect group. Not just anyone can cut it, so don't beat yourself up. ;)
***Emailing friend, to answer your question: I would think ones you are close to
would be happy to know you're happy, but you could probably spare the details of
pregnancy-only happiness, like hearing the baby's heartbeat, feeling her kick, etc.
I hope that helps!***
If you want to know more about infertility, go here, or ask me...I don't bite.
Isn't it interesting how people are different?
ReplyDeleteI prefer not to have people ask me questions about infertility. I want them to accept me for who I am and not focus what I'm not (i.e. fertile). But of course I don't really like talking about myself in general.
As for other people. I love to hear what they're up to and excited about. Tell me everything about the baby's heartbeat and kicks. Don't be shy.
Sarah